A newly improved school year

So any parent can describe to you the goings on in the morning as everyone is preparing for school, work etc. For some it may be pretty, for others like myself, it can be rather traumatic.  I mean who enjoys listening to, "Have you done this? Have you got that? Why are you sitting with only pants and 1 sock on, we leave in 5 minutes!! Have you brushed your hair? Teeth? Arghhh you've got breakfast spilled all down you! I can only find one shoe! Has anyone seen my homework folder?" times this by 4! I'm exhausted just even thinking about it.

Welcome to our home for the last school year.  I decided I wasn't wanting a repeat this year.  I am often asked how I manage working full time, 4 kids, church responsibilities and everything else life throws at you.  Quite frankly, it can be stressful and often things don't get done.  I didn't want that anymore, so we sat down as a family and decided what we were going to do. Here are some of the ideas we came up with:

1. Daily routines chart

We made a daily routines chart that the children came up with (us adults guided them a little). I have found that my children, particularly my boys perform better when they know what is expected of them and can be reminded of it. So they each have the chart displayed in their bedrooms.  So far, it has worked a treat and they are reminding me at certain times what we should be doing next.  With 4 children and both parents working, there is a lot to fit in each day.  This has helped us all in being more constructive with our time.

2. Daily storage drawer

So we used this last year, it worked in as much that I was prepared with the washing and ironing.  The idea is that each school day has a drawer.  In the drawer, I would put underwear and school clothes in and any sports equipment they needed for that day. It works brilliantly when I am organised.  I don't know about anyone else, but doing laundry and ironing is fine, it's the putting away! I hate it, often I would encourage the children to put their clothes away after I've stood for 3-4 hours ironing, but it would end up crumpled anyway. Complete bug bear of mine. Asking the hubby to do it wasn't any better (he is brilliant at other household chores though so we don't give him too hard a time.) So each child has a set of plastic drawers like these:

3. Symbols

So like I said above, I hate putting the laundry away.  I am also one for having the children take responsibility and giving them some chores to do.  It's teaching life skills.  So I decided that we would label the drawers.  The children were on board with this completely.  They got to design and colour each garment and label it.  Once completed, I then allowed them to use the laminator (this is really exciting stuff for my kids! Who doesn't love laminating things?)  They then chose which drawers would be used for each item of clothing.  I loved doing this with them, encouraging their creativity, using problem solving skills and for my youngest child who has just started school, she is beginning to associate words to pictures (letter recognition skills). 

So I know I won't be alone in experiencing stress in the mornings, but I wanted to share what I have found to work (for the moment) in making it a more pleasant experience.  I know when my kids leave in the morning, I amen't full of regret wishing I had just been that bit more patient, or less vocal. It just takes a bit more organisation on my part to change the whole atmosphere of our home. I hope this gives someone some ideas to help make their home a happier place.

Any questions, fire away :-)

One step at a time...overcoming an eating disorder.

So this past week, both Darren and I started our goal to live healthier. Part of this is for us both to lose some weight, but for different reasons.

Darren loves his food and seems that he always has done.  When we first met, he thought I was anorexic because I was super skinny and would hardly eat anything (really I was just too nervous to eat in front of him) but I only really ate food to survive, I didn't do it for enjoyment.  Darren soon turned that round, he took me to nice restaurants and we enjoyed the high life for a while. Then the lbs started creeping on.

Darren was recently diagnosed with a condition called Ankylosing Spondylitis.  So living a healthier life and losing weight will definitely be of benefit to him.  This week he decided to cut out all refined sugar in his diet. He went cold turkey and found it REALLY hard for the first few days, however he felt better nearer the end of the week and even better when the scales said he lost 10lbs. Well done to him, although with it being Easter and we're on holiday, I'm not sure he'll be able to keep that up.

So for me, it's a bit of a different story.

I decided for work to do some reading into eating disorders, mainly anorexia and bulimia.  As I studied, the reality hit me that I had an eating disorder of a different kind. Now some may chuckle or snigger, but for me, this is a real illness.

My name is Gemma and I am a Compulsive Binge Eater.

The cycle of binge eating may look like this:

I've known for a long time that I've had an issue with eating.  Even Darren has been surprised by how much cake or chocolate I can consume, without even tasting it but will keep going until I feel sick.  I just don't seem to know how to stop myself.  Accepting that this was becoming a real issue, I needed help to change my whole mindset.  Most of you know that I am a spiritual and religious person, so I prayed to God that He would help me and help me He has.  I found the most amazing group to help me, however I will not speak of this publicly. If you wish to know more, message me.

With my main issue being that I overeat in the evening, my first goal to help me become healthier and lose weight was to eat 3 meals a day of whatever I wanted, but no snacking in between or after dinner.  I thought this would be really hard to do, but I have actually found it really empowering this week.  I haven't fallen off the wagon once, I was tempted a couple of times but I reminded myself of the reason why I was doing this. My thoughts have turned towards different things and stayed away from food, which is unusual for me. So this week I lost 4.5lbs. I'm delighted with that.

My next goal is to cut down on portion sizes during meals. Although I have only eaten 3 meals per day, my portion sizes have still been larger than what they should be. However, I'm taking this one step at a time. I have tried all the diets out there where you can eat as much of this and that, but not this. It doesn't work for me because all I do is think about all the food that I'm allowed and eat loads of it for the sake of it...and ultimately, I still feel rubbish even if the scales say I have lost weight.

Depending on how I get on with this, my next goal will be to cut down on the refined sugars. I do mean cut down and not cut out, as I want to still be able to participate in normal family celebrations. The difference will be my relationship with food and me being in control of it, rather than it controlling me. This is going to be a lifelong journey and I share this with you so you can help me. When you offer me something and I refuse, I really need you to support my decision and not coerce me into doing something I don't want. Remember for me, this is an illness. It's gonna be hard at times, but I know that I can do this with the help of those who love me :-)

Respectful politicians

So I lay in bed at 6am and decided to watch the Scottish Government morning Plenary on 16th March.  I had caught a glimpse of few of the departing speeches during the evening news and wanted to watch it for myself, as let's face it, you can't always trust the Biased Broadcasting Corperation.

I was moved to tears as I listened to Annabel Goldie, Duncan McNeil and Alex Salmond (as well as a few others) as they reflected upon their time as politicians, serving the people of Scotland with such passion and conviction. It was so refreshing to watch politicians recognise the achievements of one another, despite their differences in party politics. If you are interested in watching them, you can find it here. (They are mostly within the first half hour).

I cast my mind back to not too long ago where David Cameron ridiculed Jeremy Corbin for his attire during a debate in the Westminster parliament.  This attitude does not win me over. The ruthless, stuck up, snobbery repulses me and would be cause for me to disengage in politics.  I am fortunate that I have an alternative here in Scotland, as do all the people of Scotland. Regardless of which political party you agree with and vote for, there are politicians here that clearly have a love for their country and the people therein and will work together, to achieve the best outcome for our country. Now don't get me wrong, there are hardworking politicians in Westminster too, (although it seems that the closer you get to the front bench, the less they seem to understand the lives of normal working people).

Now I don't know if it's just maturity, my career choice or if there is another reason for my interest in politics, but it excites me! I firmly believe that my vote can and will make a difference for me and my family. I am also excited about the fact that my children also have an interest in Scottish politics. Of course, they don't fully understand it, but neither do I. However I am grateful they have good examples of local politicians who work hard, who appear trustworthy and reliable public figures.

I hope that this continues throughout their lives and that the Scottish Parliament will continue with their values of integrity, accessibility, respect, efficiency and agility. As I listened to the progress that has been made over the last 17 years in the Scottish Parliament, I am excited about the prospects of what the future brings for our country.

And to finish in the words of Alex Salmond - "It is goodbye from me - for now"

Dr Facebook, Dr Google, Dr Social Media

I don't know if it's just me, but I have become more concerned lately as I scroll through social media and read post after post of guff advice being dished out in relation to health. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong in seeking advice on something you are unsure about. I've done it myself, Dr Google and I have become well acquainted. However it worries me when I read potentially harmful advice being dished out by those with no medical qualifications or experience. 

The examples that get me the most are those relating to pregnancy or young children. I often see a response similar to, "Oh, I had that during my pregnancy, it's nothing to worry about." Actually, do you know the medical history of this person? Have you completed a midwifery degree and understand all the potential risks associated with that symptom? Just because it was ok for you doesn't mean it is ok for someone else. I'd be much happier to see a response like, "I had that too during my pregnancy, it turned out ok but maybe you should be checked out if you are concerned."

I get that people don't want to waste time contacting health professionals when the media constantly drum into us how overstretched the service is. However I'm sure health professionals would rather be busy treating and reassuring people who genuinely need medical assistance than treat the negative results of bad advice. So, what are reliable sources of medical advice?

Patient - is an extensive, up-to-date website for health advice. Many GP's use it to print off information leaflets for patients to take home after a consultation.

NHS 24 or NHS Choices are approved NHS websites that contain self help guides and signpost you to appropriate services.

There are some great apps out there for parents too!

Baby buddy is fab! Designed by Best Beginnings and endorsed by the majority of professional bodies in the medical field, it's well worth checking out!

Baby Check is a new app designed by The Lullaby Trust. It is pretty good in helping parents decide whether they need to seek advice from a doctor.

There is a place for peer support and reassurance from family and friends, societies have thrived on passing on hints and tips aka old wives tales that suited at the time. We are very fortunate to have a wealth of medical research and knowledge that will sometimes invalidate historical advice or practices, so please...

REMEMBER - if in doubt, seek appropriate medical advice 😊

Honest kindness

Just a quick one tonight.

So, you may or may not know, but it is International Random Act of Kindness week!

Today we realised at work that we had hardly any teaspoons left and my colleagues had ran out of sweetener for their tea and coffee (for anyone who works in the NHS, this is a big deal!) I don't drink the stuff for religious purposes, but tonight whilst shopping I thought I would buy some spoons and sweetener and leave them in the staff room as a nice gesture (it's ok, they won't see this so won't know it's from me!) It's the simple things in life that make me smile.

Anyway, I was also buying a dress for my eldest daughter, price was £18. When I arrived at the checkout, it scanned as £6! I said to the checkout operator to double check, as I wasn't aware of it being on sale. I was right, it should have been £18, but "because of my honesty" she gave me it for £10!!! Now I don't do nice things to receive something in return, but it is always a bonus to receive a gesture of good will :-)

I hope you are all enjoying carrying out your random acts of kindness, they may just brighten someone's day, like it has mine :-)

Life after suicide...Everyday is a second chance.

It was a surprise the day my husband came to visit me at my hospital placement.  I had just been allocated a labouring woman to support for the shift, when a knock at the door was followed by, "Your husband is here to see you." At first I thought the midwife was speaking to the woman and had got the room mixed up.

As I walked out the room and seen Darren standing there, I knew something serious had happened. "Has something happened to the kids? Is everyone ok?"

"You're dad is dead and it looks like he done it himself. You're mum found him."

I don't remember much after that. It was a bit of a blur. I must have spoken to my mum at some point and arranged to collect 2 of my sisters. I remember telling them the news, it was horrible. I don't think I done a very good job of it. I hope I haven't traumatised them.

We drove 3 hours back to our parents home, apart from it no longer belonged to our dad. His belongings remained inside, but his room was all bolted up, like a crime scene from NCIS. We had so many questions, but not one answer.

We cried, we laughed. We sobbed, we fought. So many emotions flying around the house. Unsure what to say, trying to create answers to the questions that were unanswerable. Not even the police could tell us anything until the post mortem was complete. That's the thing about an unexpected death at the weekend, everything is delayed until normal service resumes on the Monday.  You are left...wondering...

I'm not sure anyone slept the first night. My mum and I sat in the living room, trying to make sense of what was going on. What position was she in now? Would everything be taken care of?

"What's that noise?"

It was an alarm...coming from down the hall, from the bedroom that was bolted up.  It was like another kick in the gut, a reminder that my dad should still be here, but he wasn't.  We called the police to come and take the phone away that continued to alarm. Dad hadn't thought of that before he took his life. He seemed to have thought of everything else though.

Once the Procurator Fiscal was satisfied that no-one else was involved in the crime, we were able to enter the room where it happened. I found the paperwork that I needed to make the phone calls.

"I'm calling to cancel my father's telephone account. He passed away 3 days ago."

"I'm sorry, I need to speak to the account holder in order to cancel the account" said the call handler.

They didn't seem to get it. 

"The account holder is dead, you can't speak to him." 

The conversation went back and forth like this, until we agreed I would send in the death certificate.  In the end, we needed about 9 copies of the death certificate to sort everything out, who would have thought? Not all companies were this bad, some offered counselling services to support us with grieving, others didn't want to keep me on the phone for very long and were extremely helpful.  I appreciated those phone calls, a little bit of empathy goes a long way.

The biggest task was having to identify the body.  I had no idea what to expect. It was extremely formal. It was at that moment, when the curtains were pulled back, that I knew my dad was at peace. I had never seen him look so peaceful.

We'll never know why my dad took his own life, there was no note left for us with an explanation.  It didn't surprise me though, I always had a feeling that life wasn't for him. He wanted to be put to sleep at 40, apparently life goes downhill after that.

I learned many things from this experience. Everyone deals with the aftermath of suicide differently and not one way is better than another, there is no right or wrong way to deal with making sense of it all. Here is a great website to help you a little along the way.

Life for the survivors of suicide is not easy.  There is so much that you just don't appreciate, until it happens to you. Each year of my dad's death, I openly speak about suicide to raise awareness of it's existence.  I make no apologies for it. 

My greatest strength came from my belief in life after death. Our Mormon view of eternal life has kept me strong and allowed me to keep going. I don't know what will happen with my dad, as suicide is considered a sin.  What I do know, is that the God I believe in is understanding, loving and just. My dad is in a place of healing, away from living the life with a schizoid personality disorder.  It all made sense when the GP informed us of this diagnosis (28 years previously.)  If only we knew when it mattered the most.

We are approaching the 5th anniversary of my dad's death. We will never know the exact date of death, but what I do know is that there are still far too many suicides happening every day in this country. Poor mental health is hugely problematic within our society. We need to beat the stigma and talk about it more.  If you know anyone who is experiencing poor mental health, know where to turn. Scottish Association for Mental Health (SAMH) has amazing information and resources, use them! You may be the one to save a life.

I am grateful for my second chance...everyday!

Graeme Gall

1964-2011

"A step dad is so much more than the average father, because he chose to love me when he did not have to" - Til we meet again xxx

No one has ever become poor by giving - Anne Frank

I don't know about you, but I love being able to do good things that make other people happy. Doesn't always have to be a "big deal", but just seeing the happiness when their predicament has been solved, or their life has been made a fraction easier because of something I was able to offer, is just a lovely moment.

The experiences I enjoy most are the ones where actually, the good deed turns out to be more for me than it is for them. Let me explain, without sounding too selfish here.

So it was a Friday evening, we didn't have much planned but as always, looking forward to spending time with my gorgeous family.  A friend messaged me on Facebook and asked if I could help her collect a bed. "Sure, when do you need me?" (or something along those lines) was my response. So we set off on our road trip later that evening.  This friend was more of an acquaintance at the time, we knew each other from church but had never really been in this situation, alone in a car where we had to chat.  I loved it!! The chat was great and I learned so much more about her. We had another road trip a few days later, socialised together on a few occasions after and it is a privilege to call her a friend.

Now, some of you will know that I am a qualified midwife, but I decided to undertake further studies and became a health visitor.  I loved my midwifery training, the privilege of sharing in some of the most precious moments women and couples will ever experience.  For some women this happens many times, for others it happens few or not at all.  Being there to support expectant parents in that preparation for parenthood is unique and special.  It's exciting to stand on the sidelines, watching individuals plan and prepare for their new arrival, to have the opportunity to reassure them when nerves and anxiety set in that they are going to "mess it up."  I don't get these opportunities any longer in such depth, as the majority of my work kicks in once the baby has arrived and boy, I miss that part of midwifery.

You are probably wondering what on earth I am talking about, but let me piece it together for you.  This road trip to collect the bed was part of the preparations for my friend becoming a foster carer.  We discussed the excitement of a new arrival, along with the "but what ifs", how is it going to affect the family dynamics? Her relationship with her own child? She was so anxiously excited about the experience, it brought me back to being the midwife again. Privileged to support and encourage at such a special moment.  My friend was grateful for my help that evening, but I don't think she realises that actually, I was taken back to a time that I loved and made me realise that I can still experience those moments in a different way.  If there was a job entitled "Preparation for Fostering Supporter", I'd be the first to apply.  Lots happened that night for me, including the birth of a friendship.

This coming week is Random Acts of Kindness week. Although that experience was planned (quickly), it taught me that amazing things can happen from an act of kindness.  So what are you going to do this week to bring a smile to someone else's face?

Internet Safety and Kids

So today is Internet Safety day. I actually started this blog post yesterday not knowing there was an official day for it.

So recently, I had a discussion with my 10 year old son about the pros and cons of the Internet. Like most 10 year old boys, he is pretty tech savvy and has access to various technological devices. He proceeded to tell me one day of a friend of his who has a television, computer and gaming console in their bedroom.  They also have their own YouTube channel. Pretty impressive, I'm not sure I would know how to run my own YouTube channel, but it seems it's the thing to do nowadays.  It seemed my son was telling me about his friend as a hint that he would maybe ask for the same. I promptly reminded my son of the house rules that we won't be allowing computers connected to the Internet, televisions etc in bedrooms.

We chatted about how people and things may not be what they seem and it's important for parents to protect their children. The conversation was harder than I thought, partly because this son takes things quite literally and remains pretty innocent or naive (however you want to look at it), so the use of language was really important. I think I got the message across though and he was accepting of it. 

The experience made me interested to find out from others what kind of house rules they have in relation to Internet safety? What conversations have you had? Any funnies you wish to share?

The Internet is an integral part of life now, some people are frightened of it and view it negatively. My goal is to teach my children how to use it wisely and safely.  There are LOADS of excellent resources out there, here are just a few links to get you started:

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/talking-your-child-staying-safe-online/

https://www.getsafeonline.org/safeguarding-children/10-to-12/

Happy surfing!!

The beginning....again!

Ok, so a few years ago I started a blog. It turns out I was pretty rubbish at keeping up, I guess life itself got in the way (imagine that?) So I'm giving it another shot, this time though, I make no promises that I will post every week.

I find myself having random thoughts daily and sometimes I'd love to hear other people's opinions/viewpoints on those random thoughts...hence the purpose of this blog.

I love people, I find them really interesting and always eager to hear about their life experiences, how they have shaped them, influenced their opinion...you get the picture.  When I consider the reasons behind my old blog, it would have been pretty fake. You wouldn't have gotten to know the real me, as I probably would have shared what I thought people wanted to read. This blog is going to show the reality of the life of Gemma.

I'm a 30 year old mum and wife (daughter, sister and aunt). I work my big behind off Monday to Friday within the NHS and in conjunction with my husband, we take care of and love our gorgeous 4 children 24/7.  They are our WORLD! We have a lot of fun with our kids, but they make me want to pull my hair out at times too! Let's face it, who enjoys coming home from a hard days work to be greeted with, "Muuuuuum, Jacob's destroying my minecraft world!" First world problems for kids these days. Most of the time, I leave them to figure it out for themselves.  I mean, problem solving and resolution are important life skills huh?  I need to save up my energy to tackle this:

 

Yep, I'm often asked how I manage working full time and looking after 4 kids. The reality is this...you just have to prioritise and often that means things just don't get done right away. It used to really bother me, but now I just pretend it's not there...for 4 weeks!!!! It doesn't look much,but this didn't include the wash load that was in the dryer, in the washing machine or the loads waiting to go in the washing machine.

It's ok though, I tell myself, no-one has been hurt in the process of not doing the ironing. So don't
beat yourself up guys if the ironing doesn't get done, chances are, it happens in homes all over the country. You see that underwear basket at the top there? I pay my kids to sort it out and match the socks up. Partly because it's educational on many levels, but mainly because it pains me to see the amount of odd socks left at the bottom!!  Every house has an odd sock bag, right?  What's your most creative thing to do with those odd socks? I'll maybe turn my thoughts to this as I iron out the creases...