Darren loves his food and seems that he always has done. When we first met, he thought I was anorexic because I was super skinny and would hardly eat anything (really I was just too nervous to eat in front of him) but I only really ate food to survive, I didn't do it for enjoyment. Darren soon turned that round, he took me to nice restaurants and we enjoyed the high life for a while. Then the lbs started creeping on.
Darren was recently diagnosed with a condition called Ankylosing Spondylitis. So living a healthier life and losing weight will definitely be of benefit to him. This week he decided to cut out all refined sugar in his diet. He went cold turkey and found it REALLY hard for the first few days, however he felt better nearer the end of the week and even better when the scales said he lost 10lbs. Well done to him, although with it being Easter and we're on holiday, I'm not sure he'll be able to keep that up.
So for me, it's a bit of a different story.
I decided for work to do some reading into eating disorders, mainly anorexia and bulimia. As I studied, the reality hit me that I had an eating disorder of a different kind. Now some may chuckle or snigger, but for me, this is a real illness.
My name is Gemma and I am a Compulsive Binge Eater.
The cycle of binge eating may look like this:
I've known for a long time that I've had an issue with eating. Even Darren has been surprised by how much cake or chocolate I can consume, without even tasting it but will keep going until I feel sick. I just don't seem to know how to stop myself. Accepting that this was becoming a real issue, I needed help to change my whole mindset. Most of you know that I am a spiritual and religious person, so I prayed to God that He would help me and help me He has. I found the most amazing group to help me, however I will not speak of this publicly. If you wish to know more, message me.
With my main issue being that I overeat in the evening, my first goal to help me become healthier and lose weight was to eat 3 meals a day of whatever I wanted, but no snacking in between or after dinner. I thought this would be really hard to do, but I have actually found it really empowering this week. I haven't fallen off the wagon once, I was tempted a couple of times but I reminded myself of the reason why I was doing this. My thoughts have turned towards different things and stayed away from food, which is unusual for me. So this week I lost 4.5lbs. I'm delighted with that.
My next goal is to cut down on portion sizes during meals. Although I have only eaten 3 meals per day, my portion sizes have still been larger than what they should be. However, I'm taking this one step at a time. I have tried all the diets out there where you can eat as much of this and that, but not this. It doesn't work for me because all I do is think about all the food that I'm allowed and eat loads of it for the sake of it...and ultimately, I still feel rubbish even if the scales say I have lost weight.
Depending on how I get on with this, my next goal will be to cut down on the refined sugars. I do mean cut down and not cut out, as I want to still be able to participate in normal family celebrations. The difference will be my relationship with food and me being in control of it, rather than it controlling me. This is going to be a lifelong journey and I share this with you so you can help me. When you offer me something and I refuse, I really need you to support my decision and not coerce me into doing something I don't want. Remember for me, this is an illness. It's gonna be hard at times, but I know that I can do this with the help of those who love me :-)
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